


THE FORMULA OF SUCCESS: A Perfect Fanfiction

by Sinaala



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Bottom Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), M/M, Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), Top Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2020-10-27 18:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20764982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinaala/pseuds/Sinaala
Summary: The formula for writing a successful Good Omens fanfiction in any genre, any AU, any gender, any crossover and generally any anything from the bestselling authour of the original novel itself.1000.99% success rate; 20 million copies sold; 0 fanfictions employing these strategies have achieved success as of yet, but we're getting there. We're getting there.





	1. Cʀᴏᴡʟᴇʏ I

So you wanna write a  _ Good Omens _ fanfiction, yeah? That's amazing, mate; just for you, we have picked up a collection of the freshest, never-before-used ideas that will help you put a unique tint into your work; and give it a colourful, vivid aspect. Gather round, kids, we're taking a trip down to Trope Town.

  * ****Bottom or Top****

Now, what is important to understand is that in your fanfiction plot, character development, character arcs, possibly, although rarely, and any sign of characters acting in their actual character may try to sneak in. Your job, as a first-rate writer, is to squash that. 

It's irrelevant. Absolutely not the point; what we really have get sorted is whether Crowley is gonna be a bad boy top or a meak pushover bottom. Important to note, here, that those options are the only ones you have, really ⸺ you see, the spectrum only has those ends, just the two.

If you settle on top Crowley, be sure to include any (and  _ all _ ) of the vast range of the following freshly picked out ideas. Firstly, of course, you can absolutely focus on the 'bad demon coming to corrupt a sweet angel' aspect of things, and you should never hesitate to add in shed loads of dirty talk. The number one mistake to avoid here, of course, is making anything of actual interest; the number two mistake is keeping any character  _ in _ bloody _ character  _ in any sort of way. That absolutely and totally ruins the PornographyTemplate1 quality of your fanfiction, and that is in no way something you would like to lack to any extent.

Secondly, you could make Crowley an asshole. And not at all in the  _ bottom Crowley _ sense ⸺ there, we'll get later ⸺ but rather in a 'high school jock in the winning number 1 absolutely fire story on Wattpad' manner. He can be ⸺ a) a bully; b) controlling; c) deeply traumatized (here, it's important to flick the teen angst switch to the top setting); d) have a golden heart, but be an irredeemable asshole (but not really, you see, 'cause he's got a trauma, boo-hoo, he's  _ emotionally scarred) _ ; e) millionaire playboy philanthropist; f) uuuh- buff? Shall we make him buff?⸺ yeah, just make him buff; g) struggling with an alcohol problem; and, finally, h) really  _ fucking _ rude for no bloody reason at all.

Thirdly, should you somehow stumble upon the idea of giving him more than two (2) dimensions, well ⸺ the only sensible way to get out of that one without actually doing any good writing is peppering in a spicy bit of angst. See, now we have all we need to go ⸺ Crowley is now a jock, an asshole, a whiny girl, and, most importantly,  _ not _ actually bloody Crowley in the slightest.

Finally, always be sure to make his middle name Janthony, 'cause my fellow caveman told me that's fresh.

If you, however, settle on bottom Crowley ⸺ oh man, you're about to unleash all the pandora's box upon us, aren't you? Well, don't worry, we can help you manage through the believable, not at all out-of-character just fine.

Firstly, the most important thing one should keep in mind when writing Bottom Crowley is that he is  _ useless. _ Be sure to give him one (or all) of the following: a) social anxiety; b) panic attacks; c) phobias; d) just anxiety in general, really; e) panic attacks that are triggered by scarring memories of the Fall; f) panic attacks that are triggered by any mention of the Fall; g) panic attacks that are triggered by the general use of the word Fall, in any given context; h) maybe a bit of anxiety?; i) CRYING FOR NO BLOODY REASON; j) sobbing; k) whimpering; l) stuttering; m) trembling and stiffening in any social situation; n) just any and all general signs of anxiety you can find on the Wikipedia Anxiety Symptoms List.

Secondly, make Crowley a coward. Do not, however, make any move to show character depth; do not, under any circumstance, make him overcome his fear in a realistic way, and surely never make him have the kind of underlying, lingering cowardice that he slowly, but surely overcomes, as is in the show's stupid, irrelevant interpretation. 

No, in reality, Crowley trembles in the face of any danger, any problem, any bloody complication he is faced with. Remember to make a bright highlight of either the fact that he is  _ useless _ without Aziraphale, and proceeds to  _ sob _ and  _ whimper _ and  _ tremble _ at sight of anything that is not his angel; or that he has a very sarcastic, very 50ShadesOfGoodWriting sarcastic inner commentary that is, too, absolutely  _ useless _ , and generally just goes ' _ shitahitshitshit' _ with or without reason. Or both of those facts, even better.

If Crowley does manage to, somehow, overcome his crippling, crushing, absolutely crucifying fear of [ _ speaking up] _ (interchangeable for whatever problem you personally are struggling with at the moment), make sure he does it in the most pathetic way. Make him tremble (+sob/wail/cry) even more than usual, whine and, of course, make him panic some more ⸺ rest assured, at no point in the story will anyone get sick of the slug with no backbone you are so inclined to call Anthony J. Crowley.

  * **Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell**

Most recently, we hear, someone secretly came up with an amazing idea ⸺ Crowley is, in fact, the fallen Archangel Raphael. Since this is fresh, and as of now unused in any fanfiction whatsoever, this is the angst turning point your particular story should rest upon. 

Firstly, make Crowley  _ the strongest. _ Under no circumstances may Crowley  _ not _ be the strongest being there is. Alternatively, he can be the secret King of Hell; or not so much secret King of Hell; or not at all secret King of Hell to anyone (Aziraphale being the unfortunate exception).

You could also have Crowley know Aziraphale before the Fall. This creates all sorts of juicy opportunities for some teen angst in your fanfiction, and we all know that is fresh as first rain. 

If Crowley happens to be a Bottom in your fanfiction, be sure to skillfully intergate the spineless-slug quality of him into every aspect of his life. Make him cry about the loss of his Grace ⸺ and a bloody  _ lot _ if you do; make him whine, and get triggered at every mention of his former name. You may also, for greater effect, have him reveal his name and immediately pledge eternal loyalty to Aziraphale's every whim while sobbing and crying and trembling on his knees before him. 

Well, doesn't  _ that _ sound like something Crowley would do?

  * **For 6000 years?... Always.**

If you happen to be aiming for extreme realism in your fanfiction, Love At First Sight is the way to go. Feelings, as it happens, do not take time to develop ⸺ you see, in the real world, people see each other once, and quite promptly proceed to fall for each other. That happens  _ especially _ often when the people in question happen yo be hereditary enemies. In those cases, trust is usually the quickest to form; to make your fanfiction 1000% realistic, simply employ that perfectly reasonable logic.

If you take one thing away from this point, remember to never give their feelings time to develop over thousands of years ⸺ it's not like, relative to their celestial timeline, those thousands of years are a mere blink of an eye. Nonono, under no circumstance should Crowley fall for Aziraphale any later than the moment he said  _ 'I gave it away'. _ If you're feeling  _ really _ realistic, then just make it the moment he saw him on the Eastern Wall instead.

Just don't, for the love of God, assume it happened anywhere round the time they started getting very close ⸺ so, around the Apocalypse, maybe? No, that's rubbish! Let it not be said that you romanticised and sugar coated anything.

If you are, however, completely nuts, you may take of the following options:

  1. It happened in Rome, when Aziraphale innocently proposed they had oysters
  2. It happened when Crowley saved Aziraphale from the Bastille
  3. It happened when Crowley saved Aziraphale's books
  4. Or, if you're desperately mad, it happened when Aziraphale gave Crowley Holy Water; the latter is strongly not recommended, as that is a few thousand years into their relationship too late

In conclusion, these three of the best, freshest Crowley ideas should aid you on your way to your perfect fanfiction.


	2. Cʀᴏᴡʟᴇʏ II

In the last chapter, we discussed in depth three of the freshest, most unused ideas for your perfect fanfiction. Now, a step closer to completing your masterpiece, we will go into detail on the interesting stuff; that which requires the most skill on the author's part.

  * ****Sex****

So, once you have decided on whether Crowley's a asshole jock or a whiny girl, it's time to put pen to paper and plough your way through the actual scene.

Firstly, you should write an extensive prologue, about, perhaps, 30 pages, on what choices had lead Crowley and Aziraphale to the absolutely plot-pivotal decision to fuck. This will be most exciting to read, as readers usually click on E-rated fanfictions for the elaborate plot, evidently.

Secondly, the style of your writing should be fresh and unique, with a glowing neon streak of your author's signature right across it. As a variation of this, you can pick a word to latch onto and  _ force _ the reader to fall in love with. The word ⸺ or phrase, for that matter ⸺ should be the most unusual one. 

Here is a selection of extremely rarely used words/phrases (the word is indicated in bold) to describe kissing:

  1. 'Crowley **captured** Aziraphale's **lips** **in** **a** hungry **kiss'**
  2. 'Aziraphale planted a **chaste** kiss on his lips' [In this particular case, _chaste_ can not only be applied to kisses. You may shove this word down the reader's throat by assigning it to all sorts of actions - a touch, a push, a stroke, etc.]
  3. 'he **arched** into the kiss/touch'
  4. 'he **covered** Crowley's **lips with his own**'
  5. 'Crowley **pulled him into a kiss**'
  6. 'he **moaned into his mouth**' [This particular one, in our own association, is very much linked to _vomiting into someone's mouth_, therefore you should use it as often as you can manage]

Thirdly, we finally get to the juicy bit. Here, all sorts of annoying opportunities to develop character, plot and setting will arise ⸺ make sure to be thorough when you grind them under your heel.

The most important bit, at this stage, is writing shed loads of unnecessary backstory. This will not at all distract the reader from the action, but instead will  _ definitely _ pique their already heated interest. Make sure to insert a couple, at the very least, of seemingly irrelevant flashbacks in the middle of the scenes.

This is sure to absolutely kill the mood and tone, which is what a good writer always does. Can't have the readers relaxing and enjoying the fanfiction, after all.

Fourthly, there are only two outcomes that sex can have. The first one is cuddles, which you should describe in the most sweet, cute way possible. Make sure to go into every little detail of the immediate aftermath, just in case the reader wanted a guide on How To Treat Your Partner After Sex, but accidentally opened your fanfiction instead.

The second outcome is Aziraphale Falling. In here, there are a great many ways to make your fanfiction an absolute winner; those will be discussed in the 'Aziraphale' chapters of this work.

In conclusion, when describing sex, mostly pile up intertwining details, flashbacks and descriptions until the reader is holding a ball of knots in their hands ⸺ oops, looks like they got confused. Well, never mind that. No one appreciates an artist these days, amirite?

  * ****Crowley as a soft softie (which he is not)****

It is a widely known fact that a character, having once expressed a certain dimension of their personality, thereafter forever displays it in _every_ _single_ aspect of their life. Such is the very same thing that lies at the core of writing Crowley's character in any successful fanfiction.

In the show, Crowley was heard expressing the opinion that 'killing kids is shit' on several occasions. From this follows, obviously, that Crowley is the softest person ever. In the show, this particular instance of 'Save The Cat' was compensated by generally good writing, however we, on the other, do not possess that luxury.

Well, gonna have to make do.

Therefore, the best way to naturally integrate a particular softness towards kids into his character is to have him love any living being better than Aziraphale ever could.

If you are writing Top Crowley, make sure to include a 'tough guy loses their facade' moment. If Bottom Crowley, then make sure to have him come to Aziraphale to cry over _every_ _single_ dead child in the world. This way, you will spend the better parts of your chapters describing Crowley crying again and over, therefore you can cleverly avoid working on the actual plot for that long.

  
  


  * ****Crowley (but not, actually) does poetry ****

So, do you find yourself with a bunch of deep, very meaningful teenage angst  _ Good Omens  _ poems on your hands? Want to post them, but not just separately? Not a problem!

We have generated, specially for such writers, a clever and sneaky way to slip the poems into your writing without the reader noticing. All you gotta do is have Crowley suddenly pick up poetry, and start writing poem after poem.

These can be sweet sonnets that have no doubt inspired Shakespeare himself into writing 'Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day…' As a matter of fact, your own rendition of this sonnet can be cleverly snuck into there with no problem at all.

Alternatively, the poems can be a gritty grimdark take on the Fall, going into the trauma Crowley suffered. Make sure to over exaggerate everything as much as you can, to achieve the wonderful literary effect of melodrama, which has a fantastic side effect of vomiting. Well, that's not your problem, anyway.

  * ****One Queen To Rule Them All****

No music exists other than that of Queen.

[As a fresh spin-off opportunity try writing Crowley/Freddie Mercury, as well as Aziraphale/Oscar Wilde]

  * ****Title****

For maximum effect, be sure to title your magnificent creation in a way that fully conveys what the story is about.

A fluffy G-rated fanfiction about the South Downs (a fresh, not yet used idea we will discuss in later chapters), for example, should be called 'fuck me senseless'. An E-rated one, on the other hand, should be called something like Mr. Blue Sky.

If you're trying to write an angsty teen drama, rest assured that soppy, overly dramatic titles will do the trick. Here, we would like to lead by example. Using our own professional advice, we have titled our Lucifer×Good Omens crossover ' _ reach for the stars'. _

Alternatively, you can use any (and all) of the following for your title (if that's already taken by a long and clever title, just use these for chapters):

  1. Any number of Queen quotes
  2. Oscar Wilde quotes
  3. Fakely intelligent quotes from Instagram
  4. Inspirational quotes that have all the profundity of a fortune cookie
  5. Just quotes in general, really
  6. And, finally, quotes from the show itself. A work titled marvelously _'Ngk'_ is yet to be created, but when it is, it will explode AO3 with a 4578/100 probability.

Other noteworthy examples of a fabulous title is a very cleverly changed up term or title from the canon. We assure you, never before has anyone called their work 'Bad Omens', or 'Ineffable Omens', or 'Nice Omens'. The adjective is interchangeable for whatever you may wish to pull from your ass.

Alternatively, you can use 'The Nice and Accurate'... 'Pinings of A.J. Crowley', 'Adventures of A.Z. Fell', or, finally, 'Sufferings of Adam and Warlock Dowling.'

  
  
  


  * **Style**

The style of your work is extremely important to its success. As a writer, words are your trade, so I'm happy to announce you're going bankrupt. Here's how.

  1. Exposition dump ⸺ the average Good Omens fan, as the statistic pulled from the university of Ssa Ym shows, is an uneducated peasant. That is exactly why you should dump as much historical exposition over their simpleton heads as inhumanly possible. This makes for the most exciting bits of your story; second place goes to describing _in depth_ why Crowley is having a panic attack again now.

  1. Pet names ⸺ 'angel' and 'ngk' should be used as often as you can squeeze them into the sentence. The same applies to 'my dear' and, better still, 'dear boy'. (Should be noted that this includes sounds; make sure to punctuate Beelzebub's _zzzz_ every time they open their mouth). Here's a great example:

_ 'Hello, angel,' said Crowley, 'so, angel, how's it going today, angel? Ngk.' _

_ 'Crowley, dear boy, my dear,' said Aziraphale, 'my dear, would you stop using "angel" five times in a square sentence, dear boy?' _

_ 'Ngk,' said Crowley, 'ngk, angel. Sure. Ngk.' _

  1. Fucking dialogue tags ⸺ King's 'On Writing' suggests that dialogue tags are generally skipped when reading a sentence, and therefore, unless designed to attract attention, should be 'said' and 'asked' in their majority. Well, King doesn't know shit about writing, lemme tell ya.

Here's a wonderful selection of words you should swap 'said' for:

Cooed

Murmured

Uttered

Hummed

Drawled

Muttered [ **always** use with Bottom Crowley]

Hissed

Called

Whispered

Spat

Thundered

Roared

Growled

Here you go; these fresh, effective pieces of advice are to be used as often and as much as possible. Do that, and the success of your fanfiction is a guarantee.

  
  



	3. Sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ AU

So, once we've settled the character of Crowley, time to finally cut some of our attention to the setting of the story. Here, it's most important to understand that genius lies in simplicity ⸺ the most unused idea are always the most down-to-earth ones.

Therefore, the best fitting setting for any plot you come up with is a School AU.

  * ****Private School AU****

So, here we are, on the verge of writing a Private School Alternate Universe; here, you may get all sorts of vague worries that basing your image of life in a British (because that's a  _ must _ ) private/boarding school on J.K. Rowling's Hogwarts is not quite enough.

Those worries go where all worries belong. In the bin.

The first rule of writing private boarding school AUs is establishing who is the bully and who is the victim. And let it not be said that you indulge in fantasy fulfillment, no ⸺ this is undoubtedly a pivotal point, a pillar upon which the whole body of the story rests.

This is entirely dependant upon whether you have made Crowley a Top or a Bottom. If Crowley is a Top, then he is  _ the _ bully; the ultimate King of the School. For extra originality points, don't forget to make his family the barons of British banking business; alternatively, an old and respected family with loads of cash will do just as fine.

As a general rule, he would have a car he drives up the pebbled school drive every morning ⸺ his posh, glossy Bentley; sometimes it is sensible to make it a Mercedes, or BMW, or Maserati, or Lamborghini, or whatever car it is you would personally want to own.

Whatever car you end up choosing, make sure to remember that researching your shit is absolutely not a requirement. Have Crowley store his suitcases of money in the trunk at the  _ back _ of his glossy, yellow Lamborghini Aventador, and have him kiss Aziraphale in its back seats, and slam shut a door that opens to the side instead of upwards. The more details you get wrong, the cleverer and more competenter you will sound.

He could even change cars like gloves, to put some special emphasis on how bloody rich he is.

In conversation, it is important to mimic the way a rich British kid from a private school may actually talk. Therefore, if he sounds like PhD in Philosophy, you're on the right way; on the other hand, if he sounds like a homeless kid from a criminal area, that's fine too.

For a change, Crowley could also be a helpless bullying victim. In this case, make sure to thoroughly emphasize just how low his self-esteem is, how much he cowers before the bullies, how he cuts himself every day (this is a requirement; no angst without some suicidal motives), and just how soppy and whiny and Bottom-like he is in general.

If your choice falls on the second option, time to part Crowley with his money. Make him poor ⸺ so poor, in fact, that he used to live in the  _ literal streets _ before coming to GenericHogwartsRipoff1.

How he payed the fees? Uh, well⸺ well…  _ anyway, _ have I mentioned Crowley and Aziraphale are now roommates, eh?

So, once you're settled on the top-or-bottom aspect of things, time to get the romance going. Whichever of the two happens to be the new kid, which is almost  _ the most fresh _ school AU idea  _ ever _ , is completely irrelevant.

The fact is that they are assigned a room in their boarding school, together. Here, one of a few extremely original routes may be taken:

  1. One of them immediately acquired a crippling crush on the other
  2. They hate the other's guts at first sight; I wonder if that's ever gonna change
  3. Whichever one is the Bottom starts thinking self-deprecating thoughts of 'hopefully he won't bully me too much'
  4. In addition to point 3, the Bottom may simultaneously get a crippling crush on the bully; here, a great opportunity for 'he-will-never-like-a-loser-like-me' angst crawls quietly into sight

Whichever one of this vast range of open possibilities you end up choosing, rest assured it has never once been used before.

  * ****Hogwarts AU****

So, if a basic boring boarding school isn't your jam, you needn't worry. You can always add a magical twist to the school; and what better way to do so than to create the very first ever Good Omens × Harry Potter crossover.

Here, you really only have two character templates:

  1. Nerdy, bookish librarian type of guy who reads all day long in the dusty veins of the Hogwarts Library; either a Half-Blood, or fully of muggle parentage
  2. The cool, rich Draco Malfoy rip-off; probably a Pure Blooded descendant of the most loaded family on planet Earth

Take your pick.

Right, so, now that we know who is the Top and who is the Bottom, here comes the most exciting part about any Hogwarts AU fanfiction. Why, the Houses, of course! Here, we have only the most fresh, interesting takes on this drama that shall unfold before your reader's eyes.

  * __Slytherin!Crowley/Hufflepuff!Aziraphale__

This is the undying classic, loyal to canon to the very last. An absolute must, if chosen this, is having Crowley be an absolute asshole, as suggested by the House name. You may think, for a second, that drawing a neat, crisp parallel to the original by having Crowley detest Slytherin, and Aziraphale question the Hufflepuff methods, would be very interesting.

That's bullshit. Instead, have them perfectly fit the stereotypical image of their House. And that's how great stories are crafted.

Alternatively, you may scoop up some first-rate, high-quality angst from your dusty goldmine of the classical resource, that Russians call  _ pizdastradaniya. _ ( _ "pizda" _ ⸺ pussy;  _ "stradaniya" _ ⸺ suffering). You can do this by:

  1. making Crowley a bullying victim, suffering greatly at the hands of Hastur/Ligur/Gabriel/Michael/God/Satan, or any and all of these combined
  2. making Crowley's family a bunch of Death Eaters, who happen to be assholes; bonus points for them hating poor Bottom!Crowley's guts; or, alternatively, having Top!Crowley angst about it without ever catching a break

  * __Slytherin!Crowley/Gryffindor!Aziraphale__

As the great saying goes,  _ the way to make your fanfiction a sizzling ember of genius is not in the great idea, but its poor execution.  _

What that means is, if this fantastic option is chosen, you should keep strictly and clearly to the lines drawn by the canon of good old J.K. Rowling; take extra care to steer clear of ever, Satan forbid, defying the ideology expressed in the series. No good fanfiction,  _ ever _ , has had Slytherin characters with more than two dimensions. Ever.

So, how does one go about that?⸺ well, all you have to do is the following three easy steps that anyone can do at home, with no equipment.

You will need a Harry Potter book, though.

step 1) Open the book at any random page; make sure that the page mentions a character from one of the aforementioned houses

step 2) Close your eyes and stir your finger over the page, chanting the only song in existence of the World of Good Fanfiction ⸺  _ Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy,  _ by Tchaikovsky

step 3) Land your finger anywhere on the page and open your eyes to look at the word you got. If you're lucky, you're gonna get a character prototype cardboard cutout on your first try. If not, keep going ⸺ writing requires a lot of effort

  * __Gryffindor!Crowley/Slytherin!Aziraphale__

In order to write this correctly, all one has to do is flip the personalities from  _ point 2 _ around.

  * __Hufflepuff!Crowley/Hufflepuff!Aziraphale__

Okay, so, as discussed in a previous chapter, everyone knows Crowley is  _ soft,  _ yeah? Therefore, of course, the logical choice would be to have him be in Hufflepuff. After all, the Sorting Hat is never wrong, is it? Is it?

Here, one might consider that drawing a parallel between the unfair judgement that Crowley received in the canon and one that could happen in Hogwarts may be appropriate; as well as some ironic implications about the contrast between the stereotypes formed round the Houses system and the reality. As we well know, those thoughts go  _ where _ ?

In the bin.

Hufflepuff!Bottom!Crowley is the perfect combination of the wonderful, absolutely in-character traits, such as: kind to everyone, soft, very soft, meak, mumbling, stuttering, unconfident, self-hating, crybaby, whiny, hysterical, complaining, obedient, cowardly, fucking bloODY USELESS⸺

Alright.

Hufflepuff!Top!Crowley is basically the same thing, just sort of, like, to a bit of a lesser extent. Also, whatever you go with, make him a smitten gay disaster, because that is a)  _ so _ relatable; b) quirky; c) we all know he is secretly a fucking bottom, who you gonna lie to?

  * __Hufflepuff!Crowley/Slytherin!Aziraphale__

And, finally, if you are feeling like a quirky old serpent yourself, you can go with the wildly unexpected choice. It is so, in fact, unexpected, that no one has ever gone with it before. So let's make  _ you _ the first then, shall we?

With Crowley, it's easy. Simply insert Hufflepuff!Bottom!Crowley from  _ point 4. _

With Aziraphale, it's harder.

So, as we all know, blatantly misinterpreting the original characters and raping the  _ character  _ out of them is the column upon which fanfiction rests. Therefore, once you are done twisting Crowley into whatever that crying puddle in the corner is, time to make Zira a badass.

Basically, what you do is you latch onto that one little character trait, that one tiny knot on one of the branches of Aziraphale's character, and make it into a fucking tree of its own. The knot is personified by the phrase 'enough of a bastard to be worth knowing'.

Firstly, you make Zira chill. Cause that's what he was in the canon, wasn't he, chill? Yeah? Yeah?

Secondly, you make him a lone wolf.

Thirdly, you make him a sexy beast.

Fourthly, you just, you know, make him  _ cool.  _ Just generally. Just, at everything. Just, a 100% badass. 

One may say you are starting to go a bit feral, indulging in fantasy fulfillment, bit of self-inserting here and there, bit of a sour taste on your tongue ⸺ what, a Mary Sue? Aziraphale? Who,  _ him? _

No. He can't be, mate… He likes books..?

  * ****Aragedoff and Let's-not-pocalypse****

On a different note, we would like to end this chapter with a fresh, witty selection of ways of saying 'the failed Apocalypse', or 'the attempted Apocalypse', or 'the prevented Apocalypse', if you're  _ really _ feeling that permanently attaching an extra word to it isn't enough.

Keep in mind the reader does not, in fact, remember that the Apocalypse didn't happen, and needs to be  _ constantly _ reminded via the word 'attempted', or 'failed', or 'averted'.

You could, of course, just call the failed Apocalypse 'the failed Apocalypse', if you must, but, well, we all know readers love a bit of cheese and an extra edge.

Without further ado, then:

Apocawasn't 

Armaged-off

Nope-let's-not-pocalypse

Armagedidn't

Almost-pocalypse

Apocalypse-that-wasn't

Nonpocalypse

UnApocalypse

Apoco-didn't

Armageddon't

Apocanot

Apocanope

**"** Apocalypse **"**

Really Big Avocado That Wasn't (?????????????)

Almost End Of The World


	4. sᴇǫᴜᴇʟs

sᴇǫᴜᴇʟs

Accomplished fanfictions writers are not stupid people, and occasionally it occurs to them that if a sequel may not be in order for another couple of years, they may write their own one. Writing a sequel to a show/book is, in fact, extremely easy.

Here, we present you with a selection of fresh ideas to gently pepper your fic with, in order to give it a vibrant, unique flavour.

  * ****Wooden, cardboard character development****

So, firstly, let's get our terminology right. The term 'wooden/cardboard character' is in wide use, and most people completely miss the point when it comes to the meaning of it.

The popular misconception is that it means 'badly written' characters, or 'two-dimensional' characters. That is, however, utterly incorrect. What the term  _ actually _ means originates from the fact that wood is a generally strong material. Therefore, wooden characters are characters with strongly written personalities, well-polished, complex arcs, and a stern manner.

A good example of a wooden character would be such a great take on Zira as Top!Aziraphale.

Now cardboard, on the other hand, is soft and stiff. Cardboard characters are those that bend to other's every whim and snap into two from it; that acquire a crippling softness of heart when it comes to, well, anyone really. A fantastic example of a cardboard character would be Bottom!Crowley.

Now that we have our terminology right, time to write  _ your _ winning fic of the year.

When writing your sequel, you may think that the character arcs of Crowley and Aziraphale that were explored in the show were also completed in the show. That is, however, absolute bullshit.

We are overjoyed to present to you the freshest, most original selection of ideas for further character change that you should never hesitate to exploit:

  1. Angsty Crowley ⸺ obviously, the hit with a rifle on the back of the head (graciously delivered by the author) made Aziraphale a believer; as soon as the Nope-Let's-Not-Pocalypse is over with, the angel decides that he wants Crowley's Bentley in his garage, like, _now._ Crowley, however, is quite prone to bursting into hysterics nowadays, so he has a panic attack, sobbing and crying and whining that _boohoo im gonna make zira fall. _The character development bit happens when, well… uh, well… well, when they sort it out, yeah?

  1. He will never love me ⸺ alternatively to _point a,_ Crowley may also have another gem of angst encrusted into him; the finest gem from the Goldmine of Angst. A bloody Arcenstone, almost. Here, it is important to write Crowley as a 15-year-old girl that got rejected by her crush for the first time. Write what you know, after all, yeah? This is an arc of self-hatred, a complex work of genius, as he unravels his self-esteem issues (where he managed to get them in the first place over the short time between Apocanot and now, only God will ever know), and accepts that he is deserving of Angel's love. Prior to that, however, it is important to show at least 6000 years of crying into his pillow at nights without ever tuning it down, because _im a foul demon he doezznt love meeeeeeeeee_.

  1. 'I am not kind,' growled Crowley kindly ⸺ despite seemingly being over his 'nice' issues at the end of his canon arc, Crowley shall revisit it again and over once the aftermath of Apocaloff is dealt with. This can be used as a source of angst that will never run dry; as well as a source of both fluff (+ all of its variations, namely fluff×smut and fluff×angst) and smut. What it should never be used as a source of is plot.

  1. Crowley pulls a 180° ⸺ alternatively, if you do not wish to continue the canon's line of thought, you can make Crowley's problem in your amazing sequel a 180° turn from his previous problem. Now, instead of attempting to fit into the role that is forced upon him out of old spite and principle, you can have him angst over the fact that '_i am not a monster'_. To double your _pizdastradaniya_ (see previous chapter) points, make Aziraphale suddenly behave like an absolute stranger and assume the worst of Crowley.

  * ****The Big One****

Aside from the obvious opportunity for sexual interpretation that, surprisingly, we have never actually seen before, you also have the plot aspect of things.

So, 'Heaven and Hell against humanity' should, essentially, in your fic, be reduced to 'Heaven and Hell against Crowley, Zira, Anathema, Newt and the Them'. That is infinitely more exciting, and allows you to focus on the niche feelings of every character. And that means  _ what? _

Another pint of angst, please, barman.

  * ****Uuh… Armageddoff 2.0?****

Heaven and Hell, it seems, don't give up and are willing to go all the way to ensure that Crowley and Aziraphale's lives are living… well, Hell. From this follows that they will attempt to restart Armagedidn't again. 

This new, fresh version of the apocalypse will be entirely and utterly different from the original in a vast range of factors, such as… uh, well, as… well, it's gonna be lovingly called Apocaloff 2.0. If you are feeling especially random and chaotic today, you may call it Apocanot 1.5 - this, after all, leaves an open gateway for a lovely little sequel to your own sequel. 

Oh, concerning which…

  * ****A sequel-prequel-trequel to your sequel****

Once your own work of art completing the original  _ Good Omens _ book/show is done and over with, you might want to write some more story into your fanfiction. Unscrew your jam-packed jar of holy angst and scoop up a huge fucking spoon, cause we're in for so much more shit.

The aforementioned  _ trouble _ is to come in the sequel to your sequel. For this,  _ Ao3 _ has a lovely, wonderful, splendid function of creating a series.

Once you do that, you are free to do with the plot as you bloody wish - you may write a soppy, sweet-fluff prequel; alternatively, it can be bitterly angsty, to justify the  _ most realistic _ PTSD the characters display in your sequel to the prequel which is, in fact, the sequel to the original.

On the other hand, you can spice the plot up by writing an E-rated sequel to your sequel. It is pivotal to remember that the key here is a good fanfiction title.

If the sequel was called  _ Bad Omens, _ the continuation will be called something cheesy - something fresh and witty; for instance,  _ Even Worse Omens;  _ or  _ Not So Bad Omens;  _ or, if things get real rough, try  _ Once Again Sort Of Good Omens. _

You may also go for a carefully arranged selection of Queen music lines - just in case you don't trust the reader to google the lyrics to  _ Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy.  _ Another splendid choice would be  _ Bohemian Rhapsody. Another One Bites The Dust _ is your choice number 3. There, the list stops short, as Queen didn't quite manage to produce any other songs.

  * ****Gabriel gets a brain and uses it to figure shit out****

In this fresh and clever writing prompt, you can generously gift the Archangel Fucking Gabriel with a functioning brain. Another one may also be given to Beelzebub, as they both need to figure shit out.

Once they do, they will come after Aziraphale and Crowley. If you'll be willing to stretch your malleable story into thin wires of no plot at all, you may write a novel-length story on it.

In the story, a shitload of nothing will occur - remember, however, to pour in a bit of spicy angst to make things colourful.

Alternatively, you could write a short story, in which Gabriel and Sandalphon (that damned bloody FUCKING BASTARD, who everyone hates because… uh…) come to attack Crowley and Zira. To twist it a tad, make it a demon - Hastur, taking revenge for Ligur, or otherwise anyone in general.

Now, this story can take a wide range of courses:

  1. BAMF!Aziraphale - in this fresh take on his character, Aziraphale suddenly not only becomes very toppy and _very_ extra, he also acquired a bunch of extra abilities. Sometimes extra wings, as he is forcefully dragged up a few ranks - make him a cherubim, or a seraphim, or a throne. Or whatever. As long as he's strong. Here it's important to forget canon. Wait, hang on, remember it back for a sec, let me remind you - in canon, there are archangels, with a lower-case 'a', which is the rank just below Principalities; and then there are Archangels, who are the highest rank of them all. Well, in our version, we ignore that completely - make sure to mention that Aziraphale had been willingly nice all this time, and he, in fact, outranks Gabriel and the lot. Can't have our fantasy fulfillment go to shit, can we? Well, anyway, Zira beats the shit out of everyone, and they live happily ever after, forever unbothered by their sides.

  1. In this alternative turn of events, they get slaughtered by their sides, and the reader takes a bath in the cheapest angst in stock.

  1. Finally, in this version of events, the Deus-ex-machina arrives - by God's own command, Zira and Crowley are saved from their cruel fate and left to their spicy ordeals in the South Downs Cottage. Oh, by the way…

  * ****South Downs Cottage****

So the cottage, right? Remember when we (the respectful authors of the original novel, thank you very much) mentioned that they now happily share a cozzy, cuddly cottage in the South Downs, yeah? Also, remember when we said Zira watched porn, making notes, yeah? And remember when we said that he and Crowley had their teeth fall out from boredom, long-winded, shitty, pointless narratives and sweet fluff? Oh, did we forget to mention that? Ah, well, here goes.

It's important to keep in mind that this particular breed of fanfiction shall be segmented by rating.

**G-rated:** _ingredients may include_: sugar, vanilla, fluff, cooking puffy crepes in the mornings, gardening, them being married, cozy blankets and cuddles, fluff, picking out cushions for the soft armchairs, smiles, kisses, fluff, becoming besties with the neighbours, did we mention FLUFF? _Stuff into form, shove into the oven and leave it to die in the fire._

**T-rated:** _G-rated + swearing. May add some innuendos and mild dirty talk, stir until mixed in. May include some Bottom!Crowley reminiscing about the Fall and having a fluffy little sob._

**M-rated: ** _ ingredients may include: _ dirty talk, non-graphic sex, mildly kinky shit, toppy Zira being toppy as shit.  _ Chop into small pieces, sprinkle into the pan, turn on the oven and burn into embers. _

**E-rated: ** _ ingredients may include: _ dirty talk, thigh kink, fat kink, BDSM, toppy Zira being rough, bottomy Crowley being a total sub, previous two swapped, whipped cream, spanking, all sorts of weird kinks, creepy genitalia swap shit, fluff. _ Tie that shit up and fuck the Hell out of it. _


	5. ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /bit more swearing in this one/

As you advance along your route towards your ideal fanfiction, you must remember that the road is long and hard, and paved with great story ideas. We will help you carefully sort out the best ones.

  * ****Children****

As mentioned in a previous chapter, Crowley is  _ soft _ \- exaggeratedly, near satirically so, and no matter for Bottom or Top, he should have a moment to demonstrate his love for children (but be careful not to write it in a creepy way). You may also write a whole story dedicated specifically to this core and pivotal aspect of his none-too-complex character.

Here is a fresh, innovative selection of plot concepts that you may employ:

  1. Saving slave children
  2. Helping starving and homeless children, who suffer of hunger and cold in the streets, to get some food and shelter
  3. The golden classic, saving children in the Arc of Noah
  4. Training poor kids as his squires in order to help them out in the rough, gritty, grim-dark, Game-of-Thrones-y Medieval period
  5. Warlock Dowling and his shit (to that character and his extremely strange involvement with the general plot of fanfiction we will discuss later)
  6. Adam Young and _his_ shit
  7. Crying into Zira's shoulder about _the other child_ that the Satanic Nuns killed back before the Nopeletsnotpocalypse
  8. Talking to some LGBTQ+ children about their gender identity and sexual orientation - and, God, you should add as much of _that_ as possible anyway
  9. Any kind of way of helping children in general; after all, if Crowley though killing thousands of kids terrible, it means he has a soft spot for the smallest of sufferings that ever befell any child

  * ****Aziraphale Falls; or fucks and doesn't****

Now, after the essential, mandatory, obligational chapter on the body swap situation  _ (which should absolutely feature the following: saying 'i love u senpai' in the voice of your ineffable husband; if E-rated, having a cute little moment of masturbation in another guy's body, as that is in no way fucking creepy, and, in fact, quite fluffy and cute; detailed-to-every-twinge-in-their-asshole description of what they are feeling when the other part of their soul dies) _ comes the equally essential E-rated chapter, where the boys will have a sweet little moment of angst.

In order to be a mindblowing success, the chapter should feature the following events in not necessarily the following order:

  1. Aziraphale is hit with the hammer of realisation that he is free of heaven; he is hit so hard, and so on the head, that he immediately feels an urge to fuck Crowley, like, _now_
  2. Crowley is reluctant, and has a sweet little crybaby moment where he whines and whines and whined about how he's gonna make his innocent angel fall, boo-hoo
  3. They fuck
  4. Aziraphale Falls - in the aftermath of the E-rated chapter, the consequences catch up with the two, and the fanfiction gets gritty and dark, and all Game-of-Thrones-like. Just cheaper. And much fucking worse. Like, season 8 quality. Anyway, take extra care to describe how Zira's wings blacken, and how his eyes darken with the dawning grace of a fallen comet (or somethin soppy i dunno ffs). For double angst points, you may have Crowley collapse to his knees and have a hysterical little fit. Or a panic attack. You know, as one does when staying 200% in character.

OR

alternatively

  1. Aziraphale Doesn't Fall - fuck the consequences, fuck Heaven, fuck Hell, and certainly fuck Zira after that last night i mean did u see that shit holy cow whooo man its hot in here-

  * ****Through-the-Ages fics****

Now, after the angst-filled bucket over your unsuspecting reader's head, time to turn our gaze to the past, and well and truly delve into the depths of… what we'd already… seen… in episode 3…

_ Anyway _ , you, as a professional fanfiction writer, shall make sure your version resembles the original to an extent to great, that it goes like so:

_ 'I gave it away,' muttered Aziraphale like the floor-wiping slug that he was. _

_ 'You WHAT????????????????????' [1] screamed Crowley, newborn love flashing in his eyes. _

_ 'I GAVE IT AWAY!!!' _

_ Crowley gave Aziraphale a loving look with love filling his eyes. Man, he was in love. [2] _

_ 'Wow,' [3] said Crowley philosophically, 'you're different.' [4] _

[1] Make sure to accent the word 'WHAT' as much as you possibly can, with question marks or otherwise with this shit: 'whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat', as the reader has definitely not seen the show, therefore has to clue as to the original intonation of Crowley

[2] This is decidedly where Crowley will fall in love with Aziraphale. However, if you actually fucking want anyone to take your shit seriously, be sure to include a long-winded, boring Fall story about how no one's ever been kind, like, ever. Only Zira. So now Crowley loves him. Makes sense, no?

[3] Of course, the last thing you want to is rip off the original in any way, so you're gonna have to add a bit. This way the reader doesn't feel quite cheated enough to shit you in the comments.

[4] Finally, it is absolutely key to have Crowley voice an obvious implication that was clear as day in the novel with an air of a philosopher. Someone once told me that makes for deep meaning and good fiction, yeah? Yeah? Doesn't?

Anyway, once that is done, be sure to complete your golden collection with a range of fresh ideas for writing through-the-ages fics:

☆ The Jesus Scene: in which Crowley has a little crying fit in the corner over how cruel he finds God's methods, and how he had walked this child to his feel from the crib, and how he's actually about to die from the intense heartbreak

☆ The Ark Scene: in which Croley saves some children, Aziraphale is either a useless whiny bitch, or a reluctant distrusting bitch, or a stupid helping bitch who is starting to have some doubts

☆ The Oyster Scene: in which blOODY FUCKING HELL /e-rated content ×9000/

☆ The Paris Scene: in which they either fuck or angst, and both are amazing and good and in-character

☆ The Holy Water Scene: in which Aziraphale gives Crowley what he asked for, and says the cursed phrase that will haunt the fandom for eons and eons to come.  _ You go too fast for me, Crowley. _

☆ The Children Saving Chapter: in which at least a whole chapter is dedicated solely to Crowley saving children (slaves, homeless, just randomly) and Aziraphale being surprised at it and suspicious as fuck  _ every. single. time. _

☆ The Gender Swap Chapter: in which Crowley presents as female for a century or two, usually in an age when being female was SO MUCH MORE convenient than male. Like the fucking medieval times.

☆ The Chapter Set In A Random Year in The Late-20-century: in which they just hook up and date and don't even realise it. Cause you know why? Cause they share one brain cell omg two parts of an idiot so fucking relatable omfg so quirky-

☆ The Nanny/Brother Francis Chapter: because why not

☆ The First Day Of The Rest Of Their Lives Chapter: in which, after the apocaloff, nopeletsnotpocalypse and nongeddon, they finally have some time to themselves to solve this romance 6000 years in the making


	6. ᴀᴢɪʀᴀᴘʜᴀʟᴇ ɪ

  * **The way he fucking speaks**

The first thing anyone should know about writing speech for Top!Aziraphale, is that it's a win if he sounds like a ridiculous idiot - or, perhaps, like a retard? The options here are a vast many, so take your pick carefully. There's always room for one more.

First and foremost, when constructing phrases for him, make sure to:

  1. Make him say 'dear boy' _no rarer_ than once a sentence, otherwise it does not constitute as an Aziraphale-phrase; also, the reader is bound to lose track, with the two vague grams of grey matter they do actually have, of the dialogue, so make sure to constantly remind them of who it is that is speaking

  1. If Aziraphale sounds even in half something like a 15-year-old kid trying to mix in some cleverness and sophistication into their speech, then you are on the right track. Take extra care to needlessly prolong the phrases, by never, and I mean like, _never-ever_ having him say "don't", or "can't", or anything of the sort. No, should Aziraphale say that, he will no longer score 100 in the fake-intellectual-cunt quiz. That's a pivotal point - at no moment in the story should Aziraphale sound like an actual intellectual/well-read person - instead, you should make him a caricature. It's gonna be funny, I promise - especially if you plunge the caricature out of the satiric setting and right into a serious-ass set up. Alternatively, and in addition, you can have him needlessly add 'rather', and 'quite', and 'ever so', and, instead of saying outright, make him say 'I really must ask you to…'; extra points for having him say 'really, my dear', while Crowley is not doing anything out of the ordinary/being an _omg relatable queer mess gay panic walking anxiety attack_; as demonstrated by the following extract:

_ 'Angel,' muttered Crowley uselessly, as was his custom, in a bottom-like fashion, 'wanna, uh, go to the, uh, movie with me, uh, this week, angel? Ngk.' _

_ 'Crowley, my dear,' said Aziraphale confidently and calmly, 'indeed, I would in fact rather like that, my dear. My dear, I must ask you quite what movie it is you have in mind, my dear?' _

_ '[generic name of movie that you personally liked]' _

_ 'Yes, I heard it was ever so entertaining, Crowley, my dear,' said Aziraphale. _

  1. Finally, when you have Crowley stuttering and sobbing and shit, you must show a great deal of contrast by making Aziraphale this tolerant, calm-as-a-mountain figure; have him talk gently, allowing kindly for Crowley to finish his sentence - in control, keeping a cool head, never losing his balance. You know, that good old Aziraphale, just like in the show, innit? Make sure to never, like, ever, have him shed the Mr.Gray-will-see-you-now, cool and dominant attitude, save for that one essential scene where he'd pushed his shit too far, and has to apologize, because Crowley's having a crying fit in the corner again now. Not at all melodramatic. Alternatively, you may have him always behave like Crowley is spouting nonsense, in this chill cunt kind of way, as illustrated by the following extract:

_ 'I-I just, uh, wanted to say, sir,' Crowley mumbled lowly, fiddling with his sleeve and staring at his own feet, 'I, uh, well, you see, ah, uh…' _

_ Tears had started welling in his eyes and he let out a soft sob. Aziraphale levelled him with a cool, yet gentle and encouraging look, and said: _

_ 'Yes, my dear? Say it, I won't judge. It's alright, my dear.' _

_ Aziraphale could hug Crowley, but it was imperative that the demon learned to speak on his own. Crowley sobbed, took a heavy breath, and forced himself to say: _

_ 'I-I would like to ask you, uh, may I have a flower in our room?' _

_ 'A  _ ** _flower_ ** _ , my dear?' Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. _

_ 'Yes, sir, it's an, uh, a type of plant, and, uh, it's got this blossoming thing on top-' _

_ 'Yes, Crowley, I am rather quite familiar with the concept of a flower, my dear.' _

note: there is so much right with this extract.

Firstly, Crowley and Aziraphale are completely in character, through and through, from the speech and mannerism to behavioral quirks.

Secondly, Aziraphale is behaving, like, 1000% like a normal person. The author who writes this seems so professional, and in no way absolutely demented and ripped away from reality in early childhood. When he clarifies, in the last phrase, that he "knows what a flower is", it serves to show his dominance and calm superiority over Crowley, who assumed it would be clever to explain - in no way does it make Aziraphale sound completely retarded, as no earlier than two phrases up he fucking asks Crowley himself. Quote:  _ "'A  _ ** _flower,_ ** _ my dear?' Aziraphale raised an eyebrow." _

This makes him sound reasonable. Like, 1000% guaranteed.

  * **CEO Alternate Universe**

Here, you might want to spice up your story with the good old CEO Alternate Universe. Whether or not Mr. Gray will see you now is yet to be decided, however here are a few things that are a pivotal aspect to consider with care when planning your fanfiction:

  1. No Research - no research is required when you write an AU which heavily relies on a real-life system; none whatsoever. Business meetings, contract signing, court, managing a huge fucking company - yeah, pffft, no problem, just make something up. Just base it on like, I don't know, that old video you saw on YouTube. Base it on 50 Shades. On Instagram. Hollywood. Anything, really - absolutely anything, as long as it's not actual research. Have the CEO fire shitloads of people every day, and have the same shitloads line up a queue of new workers so long it belts the equator; have him be a bitch to his workers, yet still somehow remain an effective leader; keep in mind, the market works however _you_ want it to, not whatever nonsense reality says; leading is being a cunt to your subordinates and always getting them to obey; the dream of every worker us to remain employed at a job that provides zero (0) of the following: safety, high pay rate, security, mental well-being, privileges, a healthy workplace, a good boss, room to grow.

  1. No Work - it is imperative that you never show the CEO actually working. I mean, what businessman doesn't have hours of time to spend on kinky BDSM stuff just lying around, amirite? It's not like they're always on their phone, something always coming up - a holdup, a tax problem, a scandalous client, a lawsuit, the shareholders, a meeting, or just, you know, actual _work_. Charts, products, research, management, rent, transportation - if these are jobs segmented to different others way down the command chain does not mean that the CEO gets to chill doing nothing, mate. In fact, the bigger the company, the _more_ free time the CEO gets, as large companies are well-known to be autonomous organisms. 

  1. Authoritative = Be A Cunt - so, here we are, finally at the crossroads: here is where you make the decision that will later define the whole route your story will turn. It's this: is he an aggressive alpha or a soft dom? The former includes making the CEO unstable, demanding, unhelpful, solely commanding, nagging, unclear on what he wants but explodes when he doesn't get it, intimidating (except not actually). Alternatively, the latter, the _soft dom,_ may feature one or all of the following: sweet but scary in rage, treating everyone with an annoying gentleness, acting like everyone else is saying nonsense, acting like they're always right + all Dom!Aziraphale traits.

  * **His fucking name**

Now that Aziraphale's core character traits have been set in place, time to tie the ribbon in a pretty red bow and polish the character into perfection. This will be done through the means of his name, as the mere peasant 'Aziraphale', provided by the original, is not at all enough. 

Instead, use any of the following fresh and sound names:

Zira

Angel

Azira

Ziraphale

Mr. Fell

Ezra/Azira/Azra Fell

Aziraphale Seraph

Aziraphale Fell (???)

A.Z. Fell

Father Aziraphale (ohohohohooooooo)

Ezra Angel

'the blonde'

  * **Quality Language Tips**

And finally, to top off the wonderful collection of tips in this chapter, we would like to introduce the following selection of fresh and wonderful language nuances.

☆ _ Tears began accumulating in his eyes/tears fell -  _ fresh and not ever used, ever before

☆ _ Against one's better judgement = _ 'against one's will'; alternatively, make sure to use this phrase to describe doing such atrociously not normal things as, for instance, crying after a rough day, or blushing when your crush smiles at you. Best works when paired up with  _ tip 1. _

☆ _ Swollen lips and pink mouths -  _ definitely use this in E-rated scenes especially, to emphasize the innocence of poor little Bottom!Aziraphale. If you do have doubts - forget them; please do mention the colour of the mouth/lips as much as you can. We, for instance, are quite used to seeing people with blue lips here, in Russia - we need the clarification.

☆ _ He allowed himself a single moment of weakness -  _ yeah, add a dozen of those.

☆ _ He frowned at himself in the mirror/he studied himself in the mirror  _ \- a clever and innovative way of introducing a character description smoothly. Works especially well in first person perspective - we, too, note the colour if our own hair each time we look in the mirror.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a real note, I don't think I will be writing much, if any, Good Omens fanfiction anymore, so this chapter is not long. Probably the last one, too. If anyone wanted to try a similar thing, here is the list of topics I planned to cover:
> 
> ■Aziraphale: Top or Bottom?
> 
> ■BAMF!Aziraphale; the Top!Aziraphale that went a bit extra (beating Archangels)
> 
> ■50 Shades of Grey AU
> 
> ■The innocent sheep in the room
> 
> ■A word about ownership
> 
> ■The Picture of Ezra Fell
> 
> ■You go too fast for me
> 
> ■His Royal Highness, Shyziraphale
> 
> ■The Snake Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I own all the rights to the novel and the characters, and my word is Law by all rights. You should treat what I say as the only acceptable truth.


End file.
